Life (S)EXpectancy: Is There An Age Limit To Physical Intimacy?
In the infamous words of Lady Konfidential, “There’s two things I cannot stand: If I’m disappointed with my food, I’m pissed. If I’m disappointed with sex, I’m worse than pissed!”
And I couldn’t agree more. Since when is it acceptable to succumb to a disappointing or nonexistent sex life just because we are “old”? When I say it’s not over until it’s over, I mean it in every respect: career, love, sex, everything.
So, when I visited Lady K at her sex toy shop to interview her for the Old Cow podcast, it came as no surprise that I met living proof of my statement: an 82-year-old woman who just learned how to reintroduce sex into her life after 25 years of abstinence.
Mary* had spent the majority of her adult life jumping from one relationship to the next, and knew she never wanted to get married. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t interested in finding love. It just so happened that her last relationship was as meaningful as it was disappointing. See? There goes that word again.
With zero interest in sex or dating, she dove into her work as a psychologist, where she soon met the love of her life. Enter James*: the 85-year-old man grieving the loss of his terminally-ill wife just two months before he met Mary.
Over the course of six months, the two got to know each other as doctor and patient: he’d talk through his pain, and she’d eventually help him overcome it. The relationship remained strictly professional until James ended it to embark on a new one. A more romantic one.
“I fell in love at 81. I didn’t expect to ever be in love,” Mary says.
It was a connection unlike anything she’d ever felt, and after 25 years of no sex, being with him made her crave sexual intimacy once more. But as concerned and anxious as she was about having sex again, she was motivated to to work hard to open herself up again: both physically and mentally.
“Because I hadn’t had sex in years, and I had no particular interest in masturbation, I had to really rejuvenate myself sexually. I was very tight,” she explained.
When she decided to take the next step with James, she committed to seeing a provider to do pelvic floor work once a week, and began using vibrators to help her body get accustomed to sex again. And that’s where Lady K came in, selling Mary her first vibrator at 81. She’s been a devoted customer to the shop for a year now, learning to use different lubes and estriol creams for more comfort in her self-pleasure journey.
“The sex, it just gets better and better. I’m enjoying myself, he’s enjoying himself, and we think this is probably it for us,” Mary says, looking forward to living out the rest of her days with James.
From James finding love as a widow after 35 years of marriage, to Mary falling for an ex-patient of hers, it’s not every day you hear a love story as untraditional as this one. It just goes to show there’s more life to live past our so-called “prime” or “glory days”.
When I asked her how she’d feel if she never pursued a romantic relationship with James, and continued living life as she had, she said “I would be OK, but I can’t say I was happier then than I am now. Definitely not.”
With that, the only thing I have left to say is there’s living proof out there that it’s not too “old” or too late to fall in love. Or to have the best sex of your life.
Names have been changed so the subject’s of the story can maintain their anonymity.
Article Written by Anesa Feratovic
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